The Thinking Conversation Phone Call Chair!

I got this chair from The Board Of Directors at Okanogan Behavioral HealthCare when I left in 2005! I've spent alot of hours sitting in it, after a long day, a short day, a happy day, a sad day, I've said Hellos I've said Goodbyes, Cried & Laughed in this chair! It holds a ton of secrets! I LOVE THIS CHAIR! Tonight I was sitting in this chair crying & Hunter said What's wrong Mommy & I said Im just missing Great Gram right now, & Hayden says She was Grammie's Mom & I said Yep She was Buddy~!

The last 25 days have been hard, September 5 I got the text msg I wish w/ everything inside Me I would have never gotten, My Mom told Me it was the end for my Grandma, they were transporting Her to Wenatchee to make Her comfortable until She passed away, so I raced down to the Hospital & I held my Gram's hand until She opened Her eyes, She said don't cry Honey, I want you to take care of my Kids, I told Her I would and then I called Ed and I told Him to bring the Kids down to say Goodbye, She knew each of them by name and they got Kisses and Hugs for the last time.

We brought Her Home from Wenatchee in an ambulance that Thursday and put Her in a Hospital bed in the living room of their house, She recognized Me and could still talk a little, but that wasn't meant to last, by Friday She was getting weak and awake less and less, I kept the Kids out of school that Fri so they could go down in the morning and see Her one last time. I was bouncing between the Kids, The Home Ec Bldg at the Fair and spending any spare minute I could with Gram. Friday night in the middle of the night something woke me up & I knew I needed to go get in bed with Gram in the morning & tell Her it was ok to let go cause I had it all under control. Grandad had given me a box of peaches so I got up early oh who am I kidding I didn't sleep much that night & I made 2 peach cobblers I didn't have time to make one but I didn't have time to not make them, I had to be at the fair by 9 but I had to be in bed with Gram, so I dropped my Boys off at the fair, I didn't want them at Grams I knew we were getting close to the end, when I got there Grandad was sitting next to Grams bed holding Her hand it literally took my breath away watchin one of the strongest men I know watch one of the strongest women I know pass on, I hugged my Grandad and sat close to Him wiping His tears, then I took off my shoes & I crawled into bed w/ Gram, I stroked Her hair, & Her cheeks, I couldn't say what I had to say right away cause I really didn't want to say it, I wanted to Kiss Her & make Her all better like the many times She had done for Us, I didn't want to be hurting like I was, but eventually I whispered into Her ear Gram I Love You, I Love You Forever and I got this, you don't need to suffer anymore you can let go, I Love You, I repeated it a couple of times, then I just laid there stroking Her hair & Her face memorizing every inch of Her face and stroking Her hands, they were so warm and so frail. Then I got up & walked away one last time, I knew in my heart She would be gone before I got back that night, & within an hour and a half She was gone, gone forever, my phone lit up & it was Mom letting Me know She was gone.......................the next 7hrs were tough, now that I look back the last 25 days have been tough, I'm still sad, still struggling with it all. I didn't know just how tough it was gonna be.

I am so very blessed and glad that my Dad told my Grandparents when they sold their place in Brewster that they could move in next to them, my Kids got the most awesome gift of spending so much time with their Great Grandparents right next door to their Grandparents. It wasn't always easy but it was worth it!

The Tuesday after Gram passed away I took the Boys to school & Hallee to my Moms, when we pulled in, She said Let's Go See Great Grammie! She's so young that She didn't understand that Gram was gone forever.

At that point I was ready to pack it in myself, I was ready to go with Gram, I didn't wanna keep going, I didn't wanna make funeral plans, I didn't wanna see my Grandad sad or my Mom. Please God take Me too! But that isn't how it works, we gotta pick up and keep going despite.

My Mom wanted White Doves for Us to release at My Gram's Funeral & I decided I would stop at nothing to get them, I did manage to track down some & as planned 2 Pairs arrived for Gram's Services, As Edna Mae Hinger sang On The Wings Of A Dove, my Grandad got up & opened the basket and released them, it was the most awesome thing I had ever seen, very moving~!

"When you're weak I'll be strong when you let go I'll hold on and when you need to cry I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes when you feel lost and scared to death like you can't take one more step just take my hand together we can do it, I'm gonna love you through it."

My Pa had surgery September 22 to repair the damage and years of hard work in His neck, He regained some strength in the one arm that has been slightly paralyzed, He hasn't quite regained the mobilization yet but we are hopeful! He is sorta kinda bionic now, today October 5 He had the stitches removed and all went well, He will be back in action like a champ in no time.

Nadia blew out Her knee recently and tomorrow She is having an MRI that is going to predict Her short term future and since it will be my Birthday we are only accepting Good News ONLY, I mean only :) Like everything, we will face it head on & prevail! We Love You Nadia Chilmonik!

All will be right with the world again soon~!